With vuvale like this, who needs enemies?

Who you gonna believe? This guy, who doesn’t accept the premise of your question….

Or this lot, who definitely do?

(Read it all, and read it carefully. I’ll wait.)

The Pacific isn’t welcoming Scott’s plan. It’s a plan based on lies. It’s not even a plan, really. It’s barely even a head fake.

You know, the problem with lying is that after a while, no one believes you about anything any more. And when you lie to your friends even more than you lie to your enemies… well, let’s just say that statistically, that becomes harder and harder to do over time.

Everybody scoffs and marvels at Scott’s apparent invulnerability to shame, his ability to walk waste-deep through shit and still think he’s Jesus. And then to blame us for the pong.

But truly, his power of self-deception is legendary. Pour one out for a titan, folks:

The problem with this burgeoning global culture of impunity—and let’s admit it, Scott’s just one exemplar—is this: If you never take responsibility for anything ever in your life, you never learn from your mistakes. You are literally incapable of making a mistake.

Because if there are no consequences, there are no mistakes.

That, my child, is a beautiful, beautiful world to live in. If you don’t mind all the dying that’s happening around you. But hey, if it’s not your fault, it’s not your problem.

I’m not partisan. I never have been. I measure the value of a person based on their contribution. That’s it.

But Australia, take a hint: this guy is bad for you. He is sabotaging relations with key strategic partners. He is raising the ire of our most respected elders.

I don’t know if you know what that means. You see, ‘round here in the Pacific, we reaaallly respect our elders. Such great and gracious people as this are too big ever to say it, but the rest of us will be pretty quick to remind you: You do NOT dis these folks. Showing such flagrant and callous disregard for people who are so widely revered is… stupid. Like, t-shirt logo stupid.

I know I’m supposed to be an adult. I’m supposed to be composed and mature and explain things using facts and provide reasoned arguments, and make harumphing noises like a curmudgeonly but loveable uncle.

(No, not that uncle. The other one. The nice one.)

But I can’t. There’s nothing to critique. There’s nothing to expose. There’s no undiscovered datum that changes the way we see the world. There’s just some schlub who won’t stop lying, and the group of decent, spotless, warm and wise men and women he’s lying to. Who sit there stoically and take it, and still keep trying to save him from himself.

I beg you: Please stop. Stop taking the piss out of Pacific leaders by pretending anyone here takes this pantomime even remotely seriously. We’re supposed to be friends.

No, wait: We’re supposed to be family.

With vuvale like this, who needs enemies?

__________________

*[sic]